Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
a search helicopter?!
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
