Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
