Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
