i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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