I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
