oh god the rape fog is back!
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
