I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
