I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
