i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
