Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
