It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize