Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
