is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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