she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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