are you still at the devil's house?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I enjoy the company of your penis
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
