did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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