last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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