is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize