What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'm jealous of your bromance
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
