my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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