i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
