You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
