so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
