Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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