that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
