This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
