Well douche your snatch and let's go!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
