my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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