If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
