pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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