I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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