Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
