i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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