We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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