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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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