so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
