I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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