Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i wish my penis had a tongue
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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