After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
