So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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