I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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