You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
