forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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