the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
