I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
