Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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