but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
