Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
