I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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