Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
