I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
