so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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