Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
