i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
