he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
