I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize