i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
