we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
