I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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