can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
