I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
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