the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we should paint friendship bongs
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
