Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I will pee on everything he values.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
