We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
