we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You ruined the universe
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
