whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
