??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
