am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
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