Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can I color on your dick again?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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