Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
