Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
