paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I don't deserve a penis
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
