did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize